Navigating Perimenopause and Menopause: Lifestyle, Intimacy, and Thriving in Your 40s and Beyond by Helen Zee

As a post-menopausal woman, mother, and practitioner with over 20 years of experience working with women navigating peri-menopause and fertility, I know firsthand how this stage of life can feel like a rollercoaster. Peri-menopause, the transition phase leading up to menopause, can affect every aspect of life—our sleep, our energy levels, our emotional state, and our intimacy. But it doesn’t have to be something we merely survive. With the right lifestyle changes and mindset, you can thrive through these changes, enhancing your overall well-being and maintaining connection with your partner.

Understanding Hormonal Shifts and Their Impact

During peri-menopause, women experience fluctuations in the hormones oestrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. These changes can lead to various symptoms, including irregular periods, mood swings, hot flashes, vaginal dryness, and reduced libido. For men over 40, similar changes occur, with testosterone levels declining gradually, affecting their libido, energy levels, and even mood.

These hormonal fluctuations can feel overwhelming, but with a holistic approach, it is possible to regain balance and maintain intimacy with your partner.

Lifestyle Factors to Support Your Transition

The way we live our lives—our habits, routines, and daily practices—plays a crucial role in how we experience peri-menopause and menopause. Here are some key lifestyle factors to consider:

1. Prioritise Restorative Sleep

Sleep disturbances are a common symptom of peri-menopause, with many women experiencing insomnia or night sweats. Rest is essential for hormone regulation, energy, and overall health. Prioritise sleep hygiene by establishing a calming bedtime routine, reducing screen time before bed, and considering natural supplements like magnesium or herbal teas to promote relaxation.

2. Adjust Your Nutrition for Hormonal Balance

What we eat plays a huge role in how our body manages hormonal changes. Focus on a nutrient-dense, whole-food diet that supports hormone production and reduces inflammation. Foods rich in healthy fats like avocado and salmon help produce hormones, while leafy greens, seeds, and whole grains offer essential vitamins and minerals like magnesium and vitamin B6, which help balance mood and alleviate symptoms.

Be mindful of foods that can exacerbate symptoms, like processed sugars and caffeine, which can trigger hot flashes and mood swings.

3. Exercise Differently Based on Your Symptoms

Exercise is important, but not all forms are suitable for everyone during peri-menopause. For some women, HIIT (High-Intensity Interval Training) or overly strenuous exercise can increase cortisol (the stress hormone), leading to worsened symptoms. Instead, consider gentler forms of exercise like yoga, Pilates, or walking to reduce stress and improve mobility. These exercises promote hormonal balance and relieve muscle tension without overwhelming the body.

In my experience working with women in peri-menopause who are trying to conceive, targeted fitness can play a significant role in optimizing fertility. Specific exercise plans can shorten longer menstrual cycles and help the body maintain balance.

Enhancing Intimacy During Peri-menopause

As hormonal changes occur, both men and women may notice shifts in their libido and sexual experiences. Maintaining intimacy during this phase of life requires open communication, patience, and a willingness to adapt. Here are some practical tips to help keep the connection alive:

1. Open Communication

Be honest with your partner about how you’re feeling physically and emotionally. Encourage them to share as well. When both partners understand each other’s needs and challenges, it’s easier to find new ways to connect. Remember, intimacy is about more than sex—it’s about closeness and connection.

2. Explore New Forms of Pleasure

If discomfort during intercourse becomes an issue, try other forms of intimacy such as massage, cuddling, or exploring each other’s bodies with a different kind of tenderness. Using lubrication can also help with vaginal dryness, making intimacy more comfortable and pleasurable. 

I support women and couples through this transition. Sex therapy is a powerful way to find a repertoire that will satisfy both your needs. Instead of pushing your partner away with nasty comments, dressing down to hide, and the biggest culprit….hiding any forms of desire, dreams and excitement so your partner doesn’t assume its an invitation for intimacy!

3. Stay Curious and Attentive

Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or dating, being mindful and curious about your partner’s needs is crucial. Ask questions and observe what feels good for them now—because bodies and desires change. This attentiveness fosters intimacy and builds trust.

Supporting Your Partner Through Intimacy in Your 40s

As a post-menopausal woman, I’ve not only experienced these changes firsthand but also helped many couples navigate this transition. Whether you’re in a relationship or dating, here’s how to support your partner:

• Be patient: Hormonal changes can affect emotional and physical responses. Give yourself and your partner grace during this time.
• Ask and observe: Whether in a relationship or dating, ask your partner what feels good now, and be open to exploring new ways to connect intimately.
• Build emotional intimacy: Physical connection may shift, but emotional connection can deepen. Share your vulnerabilities and build closeness through shared experiences.

October is Global Menopause Month

This October, let’s normalise conversations about peri-menopause and menopause and share support with each other. You are not alone in this journey, and with the right guidance and community, we can thrive through these changes.

With love and support,

Helen Zee
Fertility Lifestyle, Intimacy & Menstrual Health Practitioner

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To learn more or book with Helen visit her Qi Practitioner profile here!