Practitioner Articles
Am I Honouring Myself by Maurice Katting
Am I Honouring Myself
A loss of power can be something that we don’t even recognise. But feeling that loss of control can lead us into a frenetic state, where we scramble to bring a sense of order back into our lives via external force. This is outward justification of the loss we are feeling within ourselves when our sense of self honour has become confused or misdirected. As we scramble to get that feeling of protection love or safety back in our being, we can quite easily flip into the dualistic state, of assessing the world around us in simplified terms; good or bad, right or wrong, noble or evil, when the truth is it’s never really this clean cut. We go into “cleaning house” mode as a way of moving our stagnant energy, and attempting to regain our sense of empowerment. Yet sometimes in this state of exalted self cheer leading, we miss the point, and we oversimplify or dramatize the situation, when really we just need to go within ourselves and ask the question; “am I honouring myself?”
We try to make “clean cuts” when we have confusion over the unresolved feelings we’ve experienced that bring up feelings of pain, lack of self love or honour. Our society tends to support this very simplistic and black and white way of trying to empower itself. It’s kind of the “Ricki Lake” method. You know? Like the guy couldn’t commit, he was always at work, girl don’t settle, go out and get yourself a new outfit. Bam! You’re empowered. And yes in a sense you’ve had a shift, you’ve recognised something wasn’t working and you feel re-energized. But what happens when you go and recreate the exact same situation?
Is it always about villains? Villainy? (If that’s even a word). Yes you can look at everybody and make lists of pros and cons about them, but so what? They are who they are. Does it work for you or not? And if so, to what degree? When you interact with someone where do you feel you’re not honouring yourself? Can you change that aspect? And is it enough to re-frame your concept of the exchange you’ve created with that person and to put it in a different light? Or does it mean it can’t be resolved?
How do you feel about yourself? Do you feel good about yourself when you’re spending time with others for the most part? Is it just one small aspect that makes it too much of a compromise? And if so, how can you change the dynamic? How can you leave it so everyone is honoured?
We know when we are selling ourselves short. We can deny it, but underneath that we can feel the pain of lack of self honour. But directing anger at those who are blissfully unaware of our pain won’t resolve the issue. Often our sense of self honour is tied in with our value system. But here’s the tricky part, what if our value systems are completely different? Who’s right and who’s wrong? Does it make someone else wrong if we feel we’re right? Or does it just mean they perceive things in a different way?
In every exchange, we can assess how much of ourselves we give, dependent on how much honour we feel is brought to the table by each party. And each exchange will be as unique as every individual is. If we give more and expect the same, and it’s not reciprocal, we’re going to experience the loss, and if we deny that, try to justify it and still hold out in EXPECTATION of the same level of energy to be returned by the other person, our sense of self love will plummet. But it doesn’t make anyone bad. It’s a realisation.
Discernment is key. What you feel safe to share with somebody, may not feel as sacred with someone else. Your sense of self honour and honour of others, as well as the honour you receive from others will be your indicator as to what level you will co-create with another person, group or mass of people. And to what degree you feel safe, loved and honoured co-creating worlds. Only you can assess that internally, based on your value system, to know if you feel safe, loved and honored. This is how we can bring the sacred part of ourselves into the world and feel received and held by it.
Maurice works out of Qi on Saturdays. You can read more about him here.
